Why do we fight so hard against Change

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Why do people fight so hard against Change? What do they fear? If one is aware that one is ill, why would they reject a cure? The answer to such questions seem complicated, especially when dealing with the destruction for a long period of time, but people fear change. They know what it is like being where there are and who they are, even though the behavior is killing the intimacy that is suppose to maintain love. The issue or the fear is attributed to the reality of not knowing who they will become. You see, people become accustomed to the disruptive behavior. It familiar and a second nature. To become better, they have to be willing to take a honest look at themselves and the fear of seeing something that they will not like drives them to continue the destructive behavior, especially when its beneficial.

People who benefit from destructive behavior, do so because of their affinity with selfishness. To change the behavior, to them, means loss of benefits. Yet, where is the benefit in taking advantage of the one you love. To destroy the one you love, is the same as destroying yourself. Yet, they never see those results, until it is often too late to make a difference. The truth is the sadness that they never see their own wickedness. They simply see the benefit of having their own needs secured. What is truly sad, is the love that will never be realized, because they would not change! If any one tries to sell you love, fashioned as destruction, don't drink the water!

Is any one really listening

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When you are trying to communicate your needs, is any one listening or have the attempts to communicate your concerns fell on deaf ears? When the relationship becomes dysfunctional, so too does the communication. Often, the inability to listen is an attempt to avoid the obvious. If you ignore the opportunity to listen or to be informed, you ignore the reality of the concern and the person expressing it. It's selective behavior. Addressing only the things that concern selfishness, rather than compromise. When a person is use to having an unfair advantage, rarely do they want to change the odds. They block any attempts at resolution, because change means awareness and awareness means responsibility. Thus accepting responsibility for change is a personal choice. If they are refusing to listen, they do so because they choose to. So the question isn't whether they are listening, but how long do we give them the power over what we require.

If you know you are being unfairly treated, its up to you to change the balance. A healthy relationship is where every one's need are being met. An unhealthy relationship is one where one person's needs dominate the relationship. If they are not willing to respect your right to be heard, stop addressing their needs and observe how quickly you get their attention. We have to be willing to take a stand for our own sense of importance. People who ignore your needs, don't respect you and you must respect yourself enough to make the message clear! Often this one-side infantile behavior is a result of giving too much and accepting too little. If you want to be heard, never train anyone to devalue you, by devaluing yourself. Stop feeding the sickness that offers no real satisfaction! It is easier to change the partner, rather than constantly speaking to the wall that doesn't speak to you anyway!

When love dies

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How can anything that feels so good, hurts so bad? How does love die? Love is like the seed of a beautiful flower, fail to nurture the seed and the flower never materializes. Therefore, if love survives, it does so, because we nurture it. When love dies, it dies from neglect. The neglect is attributed to a loss of willingness and the inability to recognize needs; Love, in and itself is rarely the issue, its failure to compromise. Many people fall in love with the emotional presentation of love and when they realize that effort is necessary for sustaining love, many fail to deliver.

In order to demonstrate love, you have to be more than a sweet conversation; you have to become the sensation that endures. Love dies from the unkept promise, from the eyes that won't see, from the ears that fail to listen, from the touch that fail to recognize, and a mind that never matures. If it’s important to you, if it’s something that you claim ownership for, then give it meaning, sustain its value. For all anyone who believes in love ever desires, is to experience satisfaction not just in what you say, but what you do. Thus, it becomes matter of choice, to feed the behavior that clarifies love or feed the contradiction and excuse that causes love to die! The outcome will be the handprint you have clarified!

Restoring the Balance in an Unequal Relationship

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In order for a relationship to have symmetry, it needs to be a reciprocal experience. No one person should dominated in receiving. Moreover, what good can ever come from such imbalance? We spoil people into the "habit of taking" with the hope that they will reciprocate, all we have to do is keep giving and when they don't, who is really surprised? Certainly, not the giver; for the process of inequality was established when you factored your needs out of the equation; “just let me love them a little longer and they will see”. If love was as simple as that, why do so many people crave love’s sincerity? If you don’t value yourself enough to know that you have a right to your own fulfillment, you will never achieve it waiting on the person, whom you have trained to overlook you, to take noticed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be considered, but wanting to be considered first all the time, is nothing but selfishness. How can love obtain its true measure in an environment where selfishness is “king or queen”. The true of the matter is learned behavior can be rectified. It can be changed, but you will need to know that an imbalance relationship offers no real satisfaction. If we crave equality, when we crave equality, it is for the same attention we so freely give. Change starts with the ability to recognize your own needs and your right to secure fulfillment;

and terminating the one sided practice of loving people who fail to love and respect your needs

in return!

a slave to one's own mentality

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How does one lose sight of the design for their relationship? When we are in a relationship involving only ourselves, there is no one else responsible for any effort or outcome. Once we make the decision to be in a relationship with another person, the dynamics of responsibility and focus shift. Now, we have two people making decisions, attempting to achieve a similar goal and everything seems fine, until someone decides that selfishness is more important than, respect or love. Once the relationship consisted of sincere intent, now manipulation is playing tricks with a willing heart and mind. I love you, but I need an advantage, more, is the underlying philosophy.

Yet, how does one damage the other, without damaging oneself. It’s easy, when you are trying to do what is right and the other person simply, wants to win. When did love become a competition? I thought was suppose to be sincere effort and compromise. Love has been sacrificed for self-interest, thus the games begin’ trying desperately to fool the other into thinking that they’re still committed. Trying to hitch a free ride on the “blind horse”, you think you created, while becoming the backup transport with all the doors lock. They have simply become a saboteur in their own life, focused on destruction, and slaves to their own mentality, because nothing is more important than the choice that fails to cultivate sincerity and the need to satisfy their own greed!

Which half of the war are you?

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When a relationship goes south, there are many reasons why, some justifiable and others are not. However, no matter what the issues, it is clear that they involve the same two people, who made a personal choice to engage in the relationship in the first place. The difference is, the energy once used for happiness, is being used for destruction, by one person, by the other person, and/ or by both. Moreover, once the war has started, it continues because the madness is being fed. If there is no fuel, there is no fire. So, which half of the war are you and why are you turning your heaven into a hell?

You see, whether you realize it or not, the same energy used for destruction, can be used for peace. All it takes is a willingness to stop the toxic behavior that destroying the love. The same toxic behavior that makes it difficult for you to see yourself. Maintaining love is a struggle, yet the struggle is only difficult when you feed the sickness, rather than the love. No one knows your issues, your needs, better than you and if you don't know how to secure them in a healthy fashion, never be too proud to ask for help. When all is said and done, regardless of the "I'm Sorry", you are the participant in your own happiness or one in your very own, despair. It is never too late to change, therefore which half of the war are you?

life's greatest torture

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Free will, the ability to choose! What an awesome power; to do what we want, when we want and no one can dictate, because it’s your choice. Free to enter into any circumstances we choose, because we can. Thus, begins our love affair with choice; impulsive, rational, reckless or irrational, it’s all about the need to control our destiny. Yet, free will has many implications, none more essential than, the accountability for the choices we make. The affair with choice becomes and remains an adventurous excursion, as long as they are yielding positive rewards, but, when they result in agony, is the relationship with choice still a high adventure or a merry-go-ride gone wrong?
The privilege of choice, should never be taken for granted, because in choice, we exercise control and direction over our lives. Yet, the responsibility for choice, is more concrete. If we accept this freedom to choose, we also must accept the consequences which follow, positive or not. During our reckless disregard, we simply want whatever it is we want. Whatever the end result, becomes a consequence of the decisions only we make. Therefore, in making such choices, I urge you to consider accountability over freedom, because if your life doesn’t progress in the manner you choose, you will certainly be held accountable and introduced to life’s greatest torture, regret! Make wise choices!

Is LOVE enough?

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Today after being inspired by a personal story, I think it’s important to clarify a misguided philosophy governing many relationships: Is love alone, enough? In my estimation, love is not enough. People seeking to build solid relationships on love alone, are headed for disappointment. Love is an awesome emotion, but love alone does not maintain intimacy or longevity. The honeymoon phase cultivates emotional excitement, but once its over, we experience a let down from the rude awakening that love is work; it is more than sweet ideas built on euphoria, its commitment; not just for a moment, but for a lifetime. Many relationships experience conflicts when their interactions are absent of sincere compromise; when the bills have to be paid, when there is no food in the fridge, such realities can and do alter how we see one another, affecting the dynamics of interaction. If a relationship endures, it isn't due to raw emotions, it is attributed to having a solid foundation of honest effort or a plan for sustaining love.
When relationships fail, they fail because we seek to pass off the responsibility for its survival. Having no problem with imbalance and disrespect, as long as someone else shoulders the responsibility. Too often are couples trying to be a perfect picture on the outside, while dying on the inside, trying to maintain a lie. If we give our relationships the same priority and effort we give to cleaning our homes or our cars, think of the rewards from the honest commitment. Too many people are being damaged from this honeymoon approach to love. If its contentment you seek, develop a plan for survival, not just for love, but for the moments when love will surely not be enough!

Who are you?

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Why is it that so many people struggle with relationships? How are some able to choose suitable partners and others do not? There are many valid questions, yet such questions are most often asked when something has gone wrong. To better understand the dynamics for successful interaction, the question must be directed internally, rather than externally. For instance, do you truly know who you are? If you have no awareness of yourself, you have no clarity about your needs and if you don’t know what you need, how do you go about the selection of a partner to aid you in fulfilling them? Thus, the strategy in building a successful union must began with a clear understanding or knowledge of “yourself”! Therefore, who are you? What do you need? The reason it is essential to differentiate your “needs” from your “wants” is the difference in what you like and what is best for you. To ignore the reality of your uniqueness and your unique needs is to ignore why God allowed you to exist. There is no one else like you in this entire universe, everything you think, feel, and express is meaningful, because you are one of a kind, maybe imitated, but as they say, never duplicated.

To discover the truth and value within yourself is the first order of your maturity. To know what you possess, what you bring to the world in contribution is an important process, because when you are confident in the knowledge of yourself, you never enter the world or life in fear, thus, the initial goal is to spend time with you. Develop that essential relationship necessary for being comfortable in your own skin. Once you know who you are and what you require, then you are ready to explore the possibilities for inviting not just anyone, but the right person who can best assist you in fulfilling your blueprint for your life together. Whatever you decide, learn the process of spending time with you and never fear being alone; alone doesn’t mean lonely and by yourself is never a death sentence. The one thing for sure, it better than the pain that comes from our own poor choice. Get to know who you are!

Crying out loud

Today’s focus is crying out loud! For the past week, I have been trying to capture my emotions regarding the lives gone too soon. Every time I tried to express the emptiness, the sorrow, the anguish and the raw emotion, I was overcome by the tendency to cry. At the time, I didn’t quite understand why the words were so difficult to manifest, but after waiting on God, the message is evident and crystal clear: it is ok to cry out loud! So without feeling embarrassed, without invoking a need to apologize, I need to cry out loud. Cry for the lives gone too soon. Cry for the emptiness that can never be expunged. Cry for the vision and practice of love that seems to only be emphasized, when we lose something or someone so precious they cannot be replaced. Cry for the damage ignorance continues to bring. Cry for the world that experiences truth and still struggles with its acceptance.
We live not in a place or time when differences are unusual or obscured.They exist. They are real. What makes them so distracting is our unwillingness to recognize our equality and remember that there is still, HOPE: God never made a lesser or greater man, He made an equal man; equal in existence, equal in experience, equal in the capacity to give and to love. Thus I cry out loud, for the mind that fails to comprehend, for the eyes that fail to see, for the touch that fails to give, and for the heart that fails to feel. We are equal participants, parts of a greater meaning and a greater existence and why we struggle unnecessarily at love, at forgiveness, at unconditional acceptance, remains a useless practice, until we do something to make the difference and the change!

Something to Contemplate!

Greetings, so glad you are here!
What do you believe God's intentions were for relationships? Considering the perspective, how do you think we have or have not measured up to His expectations? Relationships often, begin with attractions. Attractions develop opportunities for interactions and interactions become the groundwork for intimacies. Thus, intimacies are the bonds of trust and commitment for defining what a relationship should be. As human beings we possess an innate desire to belong, to share common experiences. Often our approaches to relationship development, given the best intentions, are misguided. We have are more motivated by what we want, rather than what we need. Moreover we are too impulsive, often engaging in the pursuit of a relationship, before we know who we are and what we truly require.

The journey for compatibility is a learning experience, yet one that should never be taken with reckless intentions or ignorance. What may appear to be heaven on the outside, may be hell on the inside. Just as poor choice is no substitute for common sense. If it is compatibility you seek, you must give yourself the advantage by knowing what it is you need. Moreover, in the event you are faced with its alternative, you need to be strong enough to say "no", to everything that doesn't meet your established criteria. If given a choice between life or death, most people without hesitation, would choose life. Entering into a relationship should bear the same responsibility, it may not be life or death, but your happiness or your pain depends upon your ability to make sound judgments based on intelligent assessments, rather than foolish disregard.

Most relationships fail, not because there isn't potential, but because the requirements that define their commitment are not established from the onset or because of the tendency to make a round possibility, fit into a square need! Love yourself enough to choose wisely who you let into your life and once they have entered, don't give anyone a free road map to your heart, let them do the work, because you are surely worth it!

being thankful for the little things

Greetings, so glad you are here. Today's focus is being thankful for the little things. In this new day of infinite opportunities, what are you thankful for? Being able to see a new day, waking up in a positive frame of mind, health and strength to endure another day, your family, your job or has pessimism obstructed your view? The list seems endless when we focus on the tangibles, yet how does one remain thankful when the vision isn't so clear? As intelligent as we are, we often need reminders to stimulate our awareness, because we become so disconnected from our blessings.

In order to be thankful, you have to know what you, personally, value and what meaning your life would have without such influences. The blessing is the gift. To live with appreciation and purpose is a personal choice, yet, when the opportunities are lost, regret can become the companion of many who have missed the moment to laugh, to cry, to love, and to live. Thus, the difficulty is only in your perception or the unwillingness to embrace the obvious, being thankful for the little things. Whatever your choices, celebrate life, for death offers very few rewards to recoup the things you have allowed to escape you!