When sorry is no longer enough

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In our immaturity, reckless behavioral practices become second nature. Rarely do we consider the reality of tomorrow, because we are so preoccupied with the appetite for a moment's pleasure. We never consider the pain we inflict, the people we hurt, nor the consequences that can never be rectified by wishing things had been different. Too often we enter into experiences with a one-sided affinity, the need to participate without ever been held accountable. Yet, whether we plead ignorance, whether we play blind, or remain emotionally detached, we know and we continue to move forward as if it a reality we'll never have to face. Selective vision, selective practice, as long as the end results are in your favor. When you are lead by immaturity nothing matters, but selfishness. Yet, vindication comes to us all, so what happens when the wheels of righteousness turn against you; when you are face to face with your hand crafted wounds and when sorry is no longer enough.

The lesson, each of us have to embrace accountability for our intent, our words, our deeds, and our RESULTS, because we are accountable, whether we accept it or not. You must never go into any relationship with the idea that the damage you create can always be washed away by a simple expression. The residue of recklessness leaves a terrible mark upon the just and unjust. The real truth is not being able to say you made a mistake, but having to live with the consequences of the pain that can never be rectified when you come to terms with yourself. Value every human encounter, as much as you value your own sensitivity, because none us of live to be any one's useless leftovers! Moreover, when sorry is no longer acceptable, the hurt turns to anger and anger fuels the resentment where those you hurt think dead is too good for you! The choice is all of ours to make, what will you decide? What kind of mark will you leave? Be accountable!

Why do we fight so hard against Change

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Why do people fight so hard against Change? What do they fear? If one is aware that one is ill, why would they reject a cure? The answer to such questions seem complicated, especially when dealing with the destruction for a long period of time, but people fear change. They know what it is like being where there are and who they are, even though the behavior is killing the intimacy that is suppose to maintain love. The issue or the fear is attributed to the reality of not knowing who they will become. You see, people become accustomed to the disruptive behavior. It familiar and a second nature. To become better, they have to be willing to take a honest look at themselves and the fear of seeing something that they will not like drives them to continue the destructive behavior, especially when its beneficial.

People who benefit from destructive behavior, do so because of their affinity with selfishness. To change the behavior, to them, means loss of benefits. Yet, where is the benefit in taking advantage of the one you love. To destroy the one you love, is the same as destroying yourself. Yet, they never see those results, until it is often too late to make a difference. The truth is the sadness that they never see their own wickedness. They simply see the benefit of having their own needs secured. What is truly sad, is the love that will never be realized, because they would not change! If any one tries to sell you love, fashioned as destruction, don't drink the water!

Is any one really listening

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When you are trying to communicate your needs, is any one listening or have the attempts to communicate your concerns fell on deaf ears? When the relationship becomes dysfunctional, so too does the communication. Often, the inability to listen is an attempt to avoid the obvious. If you ignore the opportunity to listen or to be informed, you ignore the reality of the concern and the person expressing it. It's selective behavior. Addressing only the things that concern selfishness, rather than compromise. When a person is use to having an unfair advantage, rarely do they want to change the odds. They block any attempts at resolution, because change means awareness and awareness means responsibility. Thus accepting responsibility for change is a personal choice. If they are refusing to listen, they do so because they choose to. So the question isn't whether they are listening, but how long do we give them the power over what we require.

If you know you are being unfairly treated, its up to you to change the balance. A healthy relationship is where every one's need are being met. An unhealthy relationship is one where one person's needs dominate the relationship. If they are not willing to respect your right to be heard, stop addressing their needs and observe how quickly you get their attention. We have to be willing to take a stand for our own sense of importance. People who ignore your needs, don't respect you and you must respect yourself enough to make the message clear! Often this one-side infantile behavior is a result of giving too much and accepting too little. If you want to be heard, never train anyone to devalue you, by devaluing yourself. Stop feeding the sickness that offers no real satisfaction! It is easier to change the partner, rather than constantly speaking to the wall that doesn't speak to you anyway!

When love dies

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How can anything that feels so good, hurts so bad? How does love die? Love is like the seed of a beautiful flower, fail to nurture the seed and the flower never materializes. Therefore, if love survives, it does so, because we nurture it. When love dies, it dies from neglect. The neglect is attributed to a loss of willingness and the inability to recognize needs; Love, in and itself is rarely the issue, its failure to compromise. Many people fall in love with the emotional presentation of love and when they realize that effort is necessary for sustaining love, many fail to deliver.

In order to demonstrate love, you have to be more than a sweet conversation; you have to become the sensation that endures. Love dies from the unkept promise, from the eyes that won't see, from the ears that fail to listen, from the touch that fail to recognize, and a mind that never matures. If it’s important to you, if it’s something that you claim ownership for, then give it meaning, sustain its value. For all anyone who believes in love ever desires, is to experience satisfaction not just in what you say, but what you do. Thus, it becomes matter of choice, to feed the behavior that clarifies love or feed the contradiction and excuse that causes love to die! The outcome will be the handprint you have clarified!

Restoring the Balance in an Unequal Relationship

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In order for a relationship to have symmetry, it needs to be a reciprocal experience. No one person should dominated in receiving. Moreover, what good can ever come from such imbalance? We spoil people into the "habit of taking" with the hope that they will reciprocate, all we have to do is keep giving and when they don't, who is really surprised? Certainly, not the giver; for the process of inequality was established when you factored your needs out of the equation; “just let me love them a little longer and they will see”. If love was as simple as that, why do so many people crave love’s sincerity? If you don’t value yourself enough to know that you have a right to your own fulfillment, you will never achieve it waiting on the person, whom you have trained to overlook you, to take noticed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be considered, but wanting to be considered first all the time, is nothing but selfishness. How can love obtain its true measure in an environment where selfishness is “king or queen”. The true of the matter is learned behavior can be rectified. It can be changed, but you will need to know that an imbalance relationship offers no real satisfaction. If we crave equality, when we crave equality, it is for the same attention we so freely give. Change starts with the ability to recognize your own needs and your right to secure fulfillment;

and terminating the one sided practice of loving people who fail to love and respect your needs

in return!

a slave to one's own mentality

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How does one lose sight of the design for their relationship? When we are in a relationship involving only ourselves, there is no one else responsible for any effort or outcome. Once we make the decision to be in a relationship with another person, the dynamics of responsibility and focus shift. Now, we have two people making decisions, attempting to achieve a similar goal and everything seems fine, until someone decides that selfishness is more important than, respect or love. Once the relationship consisted of sincere intent, now manipulation is playing tricks with a willing heart and mind. I love you, but I need an advantage, more, is the underlying philosophy.

Yet, how does one damage the other, without damaging oneself. It’s easy, when you are trying to do what is right and the other person simply, wants to win. When did love become a competition? I thought was suppose to be sincere effort and compromise. Love has been sacrificed for self-interest, thus the games begin’ trying desperately to fool the other into thinking that they’re still committed. Trying to hitch a free ride on the “blind horse”, you think you created, while becoming the backup transport with all the doors lock. They have simply become a saboteur in their own life, focused on destruction, and slaves to their own mentality, because nothing is more important than the choice that fails to cultivate sincerity and the need to satisfy their own greed!

Which half of the war are you?

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When a relationship goes south, there are many reasons why, some justifiable and others are not. However, no matter what the issues, it is clear that they involve the same two people, who made a personal choice to engage in the relationship in the first place. The difference is, the energy once used for happiness, is being used for destruction, by one person, by the other person, and/ or by both. Moreover, once the war has started, it continues because the madness is being fed. If there is no fuel, there is no fire. So, which half of the war are you and why are you turning your heaven into a hell?

You see, whether you realize it or not, the same energy used for destruction, can be used for peace. All it takes is a willingness to stop the toxic behavior that destroying the love. The same toxic behavior that makes it difficult for you to see yourself. Maintaining love is a struggle, yet the struggle is only difficult when you feed the sickness, rather than the love. No one knows your issues, your needs, better than you and if you don't know how to secure them in a healthy fashion, never be too proud to ask for help. When all is said and done, regardless of the "I'm Sorry", you are the participant in your own happiness or one in your very own, despair. It is never too late to change, therefore which half of the war are you?